Find clarity and energy through regaining contact
As a couple therapist I will assist you in talking about what matters in your relationship. If there is something important which you do not talk about, the whole communication might become superficial and remote. You will indeed discuss what to have for dinner – but not honestly talk about how you feel about each other.
During the couple therapy, both of you will experience an increasingly open and direct contact where you see and hear your partner as he or she actually is. Correspondingly, it is important that you show yourself as you are and not, for example, as the person your partner might want you to be. A lot of good energy gets lost in more or less unconscious attempts to change each other. Often this just leads to both partners suppressing important sides of themselves, sinking into a silent resignation or into frustration, with an increased distance as the result in any case.
For such reasons we always base the couple therapy on the reality – or to be more precise, your experienced realities. It comprises the foundation for your process of finding your answers to questions such as: How do we deal with what actually is? Do we want each other? In which way do we want each other? Do we perhaps want to adjust our common rules of conduct?
In this process, I focus upon themes like the following:
- your current situation
- your wants and needs
- your expectations to each other – and to the relationship as such
- your individual styles and ways of expressing yourselves
The result will be a clarification of your relationship – knowing where you are and what you want.
Why is it so difficult?
It can be difficult to maintain the respect for both your own wants and needs and for those of your partner. The want for love is deep inside everyone, and it might be tempting to think that your own wishes are not that important, or that you are just a demanding person, to avoid risking being rejected. Or, conversely, you try to form your partner in your own image, thus trying to change the very person you fell in love with.
In short, there is a lot of ways in which you can avoid facing the reality – very often unconsciously and with the best of intentions. Patterns such as these steals a lot of the energy between you and create standing conflicts, which ultimately can make it so difficult to live together that you either resign or want to leave the relationship.
In order to make progress, it is important that both of you experience expressing what is the truth for you as individuals about the unsolved issues. And that you experience being heard and taken seriously when you do so. This I can help you with.